Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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