Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
