Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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