in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
