You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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