i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
