Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
