He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
