I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
