Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
