you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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