You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
