i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
