Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
