look no pants
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
