whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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