is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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