homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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