OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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