Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize