Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
