cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
