Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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