the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The uberlube is also flammable
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
