he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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