I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
