i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
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