And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
