I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
