...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
