i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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