i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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