I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
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Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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