Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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