Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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