Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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