i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Enjoy the penises
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
