I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When are your genitals available?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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