And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
