So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
