i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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