She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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