she woke up with a sticky ear
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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