upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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