i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
