you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
