The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
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Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
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You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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