i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
