Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
