ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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