Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
