But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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