well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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