Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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