Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
