Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
