Just fell off a train. Bad.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
