"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
