Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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