im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
