i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
