The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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