He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
