We won't sleep together?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
