I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
