I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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