Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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