Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
