If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
